As most of our readers know, we recently moved our offices to the first floor of the beautiful Montague Building located at the corner of North Main and Pine streets in historic downtown Hattiesburg.
Although my staff and I are not entirely done with the move, we’re getting closer and slowly, but surely, we are beginning to get settled into our new digs.
We’re in the process of planning an open house and official ribbon cutting event to be held sometime in March – assuming we can remember where we stashed the scissors.
If you have ever sold a home and/or moved yourself or your family to a new location, you know how stressful the process can be.
Not only do you have to tackle the strenuous act of physically moving all of your tangible (and often heavy) “things” from one place to another, there are always countless obstacles standing in the way.
Now imagine the stress involved with moving an entire business – including nine full-time people and all of their (really, really heavy) “things” all while attempting to conduct business as usual.
Fortunately for us, there are some added perks associated with a move downtown. Actually there are lots (and lots) of perks associated with a move downtown, not the least of which is the ability to go outside for a walk.
There’s nothing quite like being able to stand up from your desk and walk 10 short paces to a waiting door and the great outdoors.
From our vantage point in the Montague Building, we’re able to easily walk to just about any other downtown location including the post office, City Hall, county offices, or any one of several neighborhood lunch spots.
Not only does it feel good to get up and stretch your legs, but there’s also something special about engaging with other pedestrians out doing the same.
Unfortunately, there are always bad apples out there doing their best to spoil the entire bunch.
I was reminded of this firsthand this week when I encountered a grumpier-than-normal older woman whose sidewalk antics rubbed me the wrong way.
In the Great Big Book of Unwritten Rules About Sidewalks, there are a handful of simple things to remember when it comes to sidewalk etiquette.
This particular woman broke every single one of them.
This column is dedicated to her.
I saw her approaching at 50 yards. She was on a mission.
It didn’t look like she was late for an appointment or anything, but she was definitely headed to a specific destination, although I’m still not quite certain what that might have been at that particular time of day. It was entirely too early for dinner and far too late for lunch.
Our eyes first met 40 yards out and I flashed her a friendly smile to let her know I was aware of her presence and also to signal that I wasn’t a threat.
She did not return the favor.
Even from that far apart, I was already estimating our respective walking speeds and other environmental factors in an attempt to determine whether or not we were on a collision course for one another.
Using my internal GPS, I was able to determine fairly quickly that unless one of us slowed our pace – or sped things up – something bad was going to happen.
As I approached our building, I slowly began to merge into the other walking lane – which happened to be the same lane as the approaching grumpier-than-normal woman.
I smiled at her again and loudly cleared my throat with one of those ridiculous “a-hems” an attempt to get her attention.
But it didn’t work. And we were now at 30 yards.
A few seconds later, she did finally look up at me and I’m pretty sure she noticed I had already switched lanes and was now heading directly at her, but she wasn’t going to flinch.
Twenty-five yards to go.
Rule No. 1 in the Great Big Book of Unwritten Rules About Sidewalks is: “Always yield to oncoming sidewalk ‘traffic’.”
Once she spotted me and knew where I was headed, she should have altered her course enough to let me pass.
But she didn’t.
Instead, she lowered her eyebrows and steamed forward like a bull who just spotted the red cape and the man with the funny pants.
She was literally playing chicken with me.
It felt like that scene in Rebel Without a Cause and she was Buzz to my Jim Stark.
She must have felt my uneasiness.
At 10 yards, I smiled a third time and tried working my charm while a bead of sweat trickled from my brow.
“Good afternoon,” I said. “What a beautiful day, huh?”
She heard me. I know she heard me.
But she didn’t answer.
And in that moment, she violated Rule No. 2 in the Great Big Book of Unwritten Rules About Sidewalks: “When spoken to on the sidewalk, it’s polite to acknowledge the person who has spoken to you.”
Instead, the woman just stared at me with her beady little eyes and without any reservation whatsoever, she doubled down and quickened her pace – almost as if she was anticipating an actual collision with me.
At the last minute, I channeled my best Indiana Jones and darted into the entryway of our office and narrowly escaped without a scratch.
I have to admit, it caught me a little off guard.
It’s not often that I’m speechless, but for a moment or two earlier this week as my life flashed before me, I had nothing to say. (Unless, of course, you count the things I was muttering under my breath).
I shook it off and quickly gained my composure and whipped around to give the woman a piece of my mind, but she was nowhere to be found. It was almost as if she had disappeared into thin air.
I bounded into the office and asked a few folks if they had seen anything, but they just looked at me as if I had lost my mind.
You know, the life of a newspaperman isn’t always easy. I’ve been removed from more than my fair share of Christmas card lists over the years.
But I’m pretty sure I didn’t know this particular woman from a hole in the ground and if she had a personal vendetta, the reason is unbeknownst to me.
I suppose it’s possible she was just an aggressive walker.
Or maybe she just really had to pee.
Whatever the excuse, I’m keeping my eyes peeled for her – partly because I’d like to give her a piece of my mind.
And partly because she terrifies me
See you downtown.
Gustafson is the not-so-mild-mannered editor and publisher of The Pine Belt NEWS, Hattiesburg’s community newspaper. In spite of this week’s near-death experience on the sidewalk, one of his favorite pastimes is street walking, or more appropriate, sidewalking– especially in downtown settings as beautiful as the Hub City.
