Springtime nears its conclusion. The azalea blooms are gone, the Easter eggs have been found, the Masters’ green jacket has been bestowed, and Kentucky Derby horses have galloped across the finish line. The last rite of spring is graduation season. For several years I have written a graduation themed column. It is undoubtedly my favorite column to write. It allows me to reflect on my own graduation and ponder what advice I would give to an 18-year-old me.
This year we celebrate the class of 2023. Every graduating class is unique; no two classes are the same. Graduating seniors are shaped by the culture, technology, and events of the day. The graduating class of 2023 is especially unique. The Covid-19 pandemic broke out during the spring semester of their freshman year. A substantial portion of their school experience was spent navigating the labyrinth of pandemic life.
While the class of 2023 had an unusual school experience, most of the advice they will hear will be mind-numbingly generic. Every year the graduating class hears platitudes to “follow your dreams,” “change the world,” “shoot for the stars,” and “be whatever you want to be.” Graduates are challenged to be successful, win a Grammy, win a Nobel prize, or be elected president.
These overly ambitious expectations for life after graduation can lead to major disappointment. Society’s hyper-fixation on life’s mountaintop moments can lead to misery. Why? Because mountaintop moments are exceedingly rare. Certain mountaintop moments may never happen at all. Focusing solely on lofty, long-term goals is detrimental to our well-being. Living solely for the big moments in life leads to disappointment, pessimism, and regret. When we only fixate on a distant mountain, we miss what is going on right in front of us. My humble advice to the class of 2023 is focus on what you can control and do your best to enjoy the journey.
The lives of professional athletes can be used as an example. Every professional athlete has the goal to win the Super Bowl, World Series, NBA Finals, or Stanley Cup, but most will play an entire career and never win their championship game. For the incredibly lucky few professional athletes that win their pinnacle championship, it is just one day in their life. What about the rest of their lives? The athletes that are the happiest aren’t necessarily the ones with a bulky golden championship ring. The happiest athletes are the ones that have found a way to enjoy the mundane multitude of practices, workouts, team meetings, and film sessions.
So much of life is outside our control. Focusing solely on a potential grand moment causes 364 crestfallen days a year. It is better to enjoy the process and live in the here and now. Life is about finding joy in the small moments and the mundane tasks of everyday. The old sayings “its journey and not the destination” and “don’t miss the trees for the forest” are fundamentally true.
Small goals that are reasonably achievable have been shown to increase happiness and contentment. The human mind loves the feeling of achievement. Small reasonable goals allow us to enjoy the feeling of achievement more often. Inevitability disappointments happen, but small achievable goals help limit the number of disappointments. When disappointments occur, remember there is only so much in our control.
One of my favorite quotes is from author Ryan Holiday: “You only control the effort, not the results.” Part of making reasonably achievable goals is learning what is outside your control. Also consider that the best candidate doesn’t always win the election and the best movie does not always win the Oscar.
Graduations are wonderful events to celebrate. There are many important and marvelous things taught through formal education. There is great value in a broad- based, well-rounded education, but some important lessons are learned outside the classroom. Learning to be content with the simple things that come along in life’s journey is one of the most important lessons we will ever learn.
Congratulations to the class of 2023. Enjoy the time-honored tradition of donning your cap, gown, and robe. Take lots of pictures with your friends. One day you will look back at those pictures and remember how youthful you looked. Also take pictures with your grandparents. They won’t be around forever and pictures with them will be a special memory. Whatever is in your future remember to enjoy the here and now.
Keith Ball is a local attorney and a lifelong resident of the Friendly City.
